Alexithymia

I'm still figuring out how to look at it in a way that doesn't weigh me down. I definitely felt like a victim of statistics a few weeks ago when reading about it. I do have a few things that help and have shared that here too.

Saw this Saturday, which led me to find the term "Alexithymia." Though I don't drink coffee, I'm glad to know that's what some people would call it. Hopefully it's a useful resource to you/people you know.

Looking at it with strategic clarity in a way that's not condemning remains an open endeavor. I've given a few days to look at it with different eyes. What's helped:

1) Every behavior has a benefit from the an evolutionary biology perspective. In my life, I know from a lot of reflection times where I benefited from it and probably why it came about.

2) There's a spectrum of behaviors that most human beings encounter, this is a blip on it and doesn't represent the entirety of someone's personality, and "Your tendency need not be your destiny." - quote on the walls of Macomb County correctional facility

3) "Tranquility's something everyone seeks, but only you yourself can find." - homeless gentleman in Lansing

Some descriptions:
"you don't live, you just exist. You don't feel, you just function." I'd describe it as being emotionally hollow, inert, or emotionally blocked/stagnant. It often blends with depression and ASD/PTSD. This tune was the closest I got to articulate what it's like to deal with that state a few years ago--stuck, mentally trying to work it off, but not really getting anywhere.

In 2012 I started to realize absence of feeling/emotion was a problem while at a friend's apartment. Later during a class reflection activity at Ryan Correctional facility, we were asked to share how we felt. I didn't know what to do and didn't have anything to say. I realized when everyone started laughing that I was the only one who was genuinely confused among university classmates and people who spent most of their lives in prison alike. In some parts of my life it's been helpful, but it's also been destructive, detrimental, and frustrating in other aspects.

A few resources exist, one in its early stages with a test, most of the posts (often lengthy) are from people discovering, trying to cope, grieving (many heavy stories), or describing their experience as someone with Alexithymia/being with someone with it. The online community remains fragmented.

As far as I can tell, few carry focus on solution/resolution techniques at the moment. Those who shared insight for pulling through mention art, exercise, and laughter in comments online elsewhere. Also, at least one person believes learning directly from others helps resolve it, and I suspect the list of feelings described in Non-Violent Communication might be another approach for wrangling emotion into articulation too.

I've been practicing some solutions for myself. At the least, ways to prevent it, minimize it, or open up when it does happen--I've mentioned running in advance of my day, play, and dancing to open up my capacity to feel. I'm starting to manage how I engage and give space to process situations to find emotion differently. 

I hope it helps someone, thanks for letting me share with all of you.

Ian D. Tran