They should be the same, whatever I think about or want to say, I can type and post on the internet. However, before I get the stuff from inside of my head into print, there's another voice that comes into play, and typically it says the following:
1. "Does this make sense to me, or is it riddled with errors?"
2. "Should I consult Strunk and White?"
3. "Am I copying the tone of someone else's blog writing without carrying my own content in it?"
4. "Is it too long?"
5. "Am I ready to defend my ideas, opinions, and statements?"
Still, I'm pretty determined to make concise posts on a regular basis. Even if it means that more than 60% of them are drafts. Sometimes, the reason is simple enough, I like to cram lots of ideas into one sentence. Off is the grammar (hehe). I start writing an essay. Maybe I want to say something controversial that would be potentially disastrous if not said correctly in public. At other times, it's a much more common and bizarre personal conflict. Am I shy, or do I just lack confidence? Perhaps I'm both in this case. Isn't a lack of confidence a major contributor to shyness anyhow?
At this point, someone could ask "why are you writing about being diffident?"
Because I don't really trust you. Or the people who make up the internet community in general. But I should explain why. When I'm feeling shy around other people, it's because I don't have confidence in something or someone around me. Please don't be upset about this, I'll redirect your attention to my ideas about survival...
Even today, you might know someone who mostly sits and is content to quietly watch others at a social environment, but let's go back to the earliest days of shyness where I can presumptuously control how we played a part in our environment. As very young children, either we were brought into a new environment (a daycare), or it came to us (many strange new people come to our house).
Picture the latter scenario (oh, and by the way, you're now a sibling of mine for the next few paragraphs):
Our parent(s) host a party and invite many people whom we have not yet met or cannot recall meeting. More than that, we are bombarded with strange new information. Perfumes, colognes, party food, special potpourri, strange looking people, our parent(s) may be dressed unusually, some of the guests are wearing strange clothes or look nothing like our parents, etc.
As your parent(s) introduce us to the alien guests, one of them awkwardly bends down to greet you with arms extended (in a way that is certainly not how our parent(s) would reach for us) and teeth bared in some kind of a smile. We cannot resist the urge to squirmingly break free of their grip and run away. In a flash, we have successfully disappeared and hidden in the safety of our room. Politely, our parent(s) apologize and explain that you're shy and...
That's enough of the scenario, let's analyze.
So what happened here? Clearly there was a fearful/fleeing response to all of these people, but why? I believe that we didn't have confidence in being around these strangers, and with few indicators to show that they were humans who could be trusted just like our parent(s), we had no other choice fight our way out of their grip and flee.
In retrospect, I realize that I made this potentially more complex than need be by putting in so many possible variables (smells, people, visual stimuli) but I believe we can apply the same idea to each factor. We could not confide trust in the guest because
1. We were unprepared to receive the incoming information and stimuli; as such, our stable household environment became a new environment
2. We did not know how to discern what was pertinent to us as we experienced it
3. We had not yet learned how other people express and convey important information
And so, most everything appeared as a threat.
Back to blogging.
I'm finding blogging to be a similar experience. I'm still trying to figure out most of the internet and blogging itself, and by the time the finalized version of this post is out for the public to read, it will have probably been much later than the original post date. The internet is an odd place where information (wanted or not) shows up and interpersonal relations develop (again, wanted or not). For now, I'll be content with writing the occasional essay while being a little bit shy.
1. "Does this make sense to me, or is it riddled with errors?"
2. "Should I consult Strunk and White?"
3. "Am I copying the tone of someone else's blog writing without carrying my own content in it?"
4. "Is it too long?"
5. "Am I ready to defend my ideas, opinions, and statements?"
Still, I'm pretty determined to make concise posts on a regular basis. Even if it means that more than 60% of them are drafts. Sometimes, the reason is simple enough, I like to cram lots of ideas into one sentence. Off is the grammar (hehe). I start writing an essay. Maybe I want to say something controversial that would be potentially disastrous if not said correctly in public. At other times, it's a much more common and bizarre personal conflict. Am I shy, or do I just lack confidence? Perhaps I'm both in this case. Isn't a lack of confidence a major contributor to shyness anyhow?
At this point, someone could ask "why are you writing about being diffident?"
Because I don't really trust you. Or the people who make up the internet community in general. But I should explain why. When I'm feeling shy around other people, it's because I don't have confidence in something or someone around me. Please don't be upset about this, I'll redirect your attention to my ideas about survival...
Even today, you might know someone who mostly sits and is content to quietly watch others at a social environment, but let's go back to the earliest days of shyness where I can presumptuously control how we played a part in our environment. As very young children, either we were brought into a new environment (a daycare), or it came to us (many strange new people come to our house).
Picture the latter scenario (oh, and by the way, you're now a sibling of mine for the next few paragraphs):
Our parent(s) host a party and invite many people whom we have not yet met or cannot recall meeting. More than that, we are bombarded with strange new information. Perfumes, colognes, party food, special potpourri, strange looking people, our parent(s) may be dressed unusually, some of the guests are wearing strange clothes or look nothing like our parents, etc.
As your parent(s) introduce us to the alien guests, one of them awkwardly bends down to greet you with arms extended (in a way that is certainly not how our parent(s) would reach for us) and teeth bared in some kind of a smile. We cannot resist the urge to squirmingly break free of their grip and run away. In a flash, we have successfully disappeared and hidden in the safety of our room. Politely, our parent(s) apologize and explain that you're shy and...
That's enough of the scenario, let's analyze.
So what happened here? Clearly there was a fearful/fleeing response to all of these people, but why? I believe that we didn't have confidence in being around these strangers, and with few indicators to show that they were humans who could be trusted just like our parent(s), we had no other choice fight our way out of their grip and flee.
In retrospect, I realize that I made this potentially more complex than need be by putting in so many possible variables (smells, people, visual stimuli) but I believe we can apply the same idea to each factor. We could not confide trust in the guest because
1. We were unprepared to receive the incoming information and stimuli; as such, our stable household environment became a new environment
2. We did not know how to discern what was pertinent to us as we experienced it
3. We had not yet learned how other people express and convey important information
And so, most everything appeared as a threat.
Back to blogging.
I'm finding blogging to be a similar experience. I'm still trying to figure out most of the internet and blogging itself, and by the time the finalized version of this post is out for the public to read, it will have probably been much later than the original post date. The internet is an odd place where information (wanted or not) shows up and interpersonal relations develop (again, wanted or not). For now, I'll be content with writing the occasional essay while being a little bit shy.
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